how did we get here. i mean, not we, but me.

i went from having an average of one fictional boyfriend at a time to forming this Hellish Waifu Cluster. i feel like i'm overreacting, but gaining 3 boyfriends within a year is NOT a normal occurence in my life. and i love them all more than anything, i really do, but i feel like the more characters i fall head-over-heels for, the less people are gonna take me seriously about my love for them.

i don't know exactly where this insecurity of me stems from. i mean, back when the only guy i was smitten with was strong bad, a lot of people didn't take me seriously then either. and that was with One Singular Guy. i think i lost a mutual over him because one of THEIR mutuals also "selfshipped" with him, and a rentry hoard of mine lead to a situation that really could've been handled in DMs spiraling out of control. not gonna name anyone involved but that and The Homestar Runner Discord Server Incident were just some serious bunches of absolute fuckery that i wanna avoid now that i am slightly more emotionally stable. still kinda stings whenever i see that ex-friend pop up online though. shrugs. you win some you lose some.

i think i also remember them posting something along the lines of "having more than one f/o is cheating!!". good god, i hope they've dropped that mindset, because that sure as hell isn't true for everyone. pisses me off when people say that. does it really matter how many fictional lovers someone has? because i genuinely don't think it should matter. it's kinda like polyamory. and polyamory isn't cheating.
plus, most "normies" (for lack of a better term) will judge you the same whether you're with 100 fictional lovers or just 1.
maybe losing that friend was a good thing. iunno. friendship did feel kinda one-sided.

i don't really like labeling myself as a selfshipper or a yumedanshi, anyways. i mean, i'm sorta part of those communities, but it just doesn't feel serious enough to me. my relationships with these fictional characters are serious. i have never, nor will i ever, date a real person. i have zero interest in that. i'm strictly fictosexual in the sense that i feel substantial attachment and attraction to fictional characters over people. no shade to people who are selfshippers or yumedanshis though. i Respect.

i feel like i'm getting off topic here. was there a topic? um. i've been getting into nexo knights recently. i've also been thinking about lance richmond a lot. my brain is threatening to add yet another minifig to The Cluster and i don't know how i feel about it.

one one hand, as someone who strongly dislikes seeing others express any sort of emotional or sexual attraction to my boyfriends, having a fifth boyfriend just feels greedy. i know they aren't real and people have the right to feel things for them and ship them with others, but... it's weird to me. it's uncomfortable to me. i instantly block anyone who's attracted to my boyfriends. and i've hardly even finished any of the webshrines yet... i've got four whole shrines to work on here. adding a fifth boyfriend means adding a fifth webshrine to that workload.

on the other hand, boy pretty.

very tough decision. if my brain decides not to drop this fixation on him within a week or two, he's probably getting absorbed into the relationship. #Lol



(methinks i doth complain too mutch.)